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Kill Your Ego- Recognize The True You
By Todd | February 26, 2008
Last week while on vacation, I took on a great challenge. No, I did not jump out of an airplane or swim with sharks. I did something much more difficult—I committed myself to unplugging from all work related matters completely, and sought to be “present” or “in the now” as much as possible.
This task is much harder then it seems, and for the first few days I found myself ensconced in the usual Todd Goldfarb ways of thinking. I was worrying about my clients, anxious about this blog, stressed that I was doing nothing to move myself forward.
Eventually I was able to diffuse these thought patterns using one thing: my awareness.
This is a very powerful practice, and one takes a lot of work and patience. However, if you are really interested in personal growth and want to make transcending changes in your life, constantly being attentive of your thoughts is one of the most revealing exercises you can undertake.
How The Ego Operates
You, me and everyone else has something in us called an “ego” that diverts us from the genuine, true and authentic self that lies within. We so easily confuse the little voice in our head with the real us, and the ego’s constant stream of thought makes it very difficult to observe it from a different perspective. The illusion of ego is unfortunate because the entity behind it, the authentic you, holds all the cards to living a fulfilling, happy and successful life.
On Sunday night during the Oscars, they showed a short clip of 100 year old George Burns in which he said “when you get to be old enough, you get to be you again”. What George meant is that with age comes perspective, and towards the end of our physical lives the ego comes to accept its demise. The ‘becoming you again’ is a reference to becoming aware of the authentic self, and you will find many older people speak like this.
My question is: Why not work hard NOW to become ‘you again’ while you are still young, active and vibrant?!
Once you start becoming an observer to your ego, you begin to realize how insane it is. It is full of fear, anger, and sadness and creates conflict, uncertainty and doubt. My goal during my vacation was simply to become me again, and I did this by paying close attention to the madness of my thoughts. Once the ‘observer’ within me became clear, the anxiety and stress melted away and my authentic self was given space to manifest!
Awareness is the Universal Answer
The only way to diffuse the ego (or ‘kill’ it) is to shed awareness on the constant stream of thoughts it produces. I can tell you I have been practicing this for years, and it is hard work. Friends and clients constantly say to me: “why should I go through all the difficulty and anguish of becoming aware of my thoughts…I like my life, and I accept the illusion if that’s what it is. I am perfectly content the way I am”!
There are two reasons it is necessary to do the work of separating ego from the real you. One, you must realize that you will never find true contentment and fulfillment in your life if you are run by the thoughts in your head. If the ego is in charge you will be in a constant state of searching, comparing and desiring as opposed to being, accepting and doing.
Second, you must understand that your individual ego contributes greatly to the world around you. Humanity is in a state of relative emergency, if you haven’t noticed. Many of our established “systems” are proving to be unsustainable. This is the result of the collective ego.
Gandhi said “you must be the change you want to see in the world” and what he meant was that each of us must work individually to rid ourselves of self-polluting thoughts if we are to rid the world of war, starvation and slaughter. The underlying meaning here is that our personal growth is a contributing factor to the more global environment.
Intellectual Understanding Verses Experience
If you are reading this article then you are probably familiar with a variety of self-improvement and spiritual guides. Chances are you have a basic understanding of the ego, and how it operates. But one point I will say over and over again on this blog is this: there is a difference in having an intellectual understanding of the way the ego works and actually experiencing it.
Perhaps for this first time in human history, this type of conversation is taking place in the mainstream. Almost everyone I know can speak intelligently about something to do with the ego or global awareness. But how many people actually take the information and use it?
How many of you reading this article are actively increasing your consciousness, and using the books, articles, movies that are out there and doing the necessary work to improve yourself? The number is certainly growing, but if things are to really change on a global scale I believe we need more and more people making the shift from intellectual understanding to experience.
The Results
Once you effectively become an observer to your thoughts, you allow the real you to manifest. What is amazing is that once this happens all of the productive and creative ideas you were searching flow naturally. In my case, more than 20 wonderful ideas “came to me” over the course of 7 days I was on vacation through practicing the art of being present.
Some of them were article ideas for this blog, some were fresh ideas that can help me move forward, and others were general insights about the way I view my businesses. All of the things I would have been stressing about were virtually solved by being present. [Of course it is extremely helpful to carry around a notebook or voice recorder to capture the moments when ideas strike, and I highly recommend doing this].
I also feel as though I enjoyed my vacation more than I have vacations in the past. Being present, and purposefully creating the separation between your thoughts and authentic self, is very gratifying.
Remember, focusing on being present allows you to become aware of your typical patterns of thought in a very profound way. “Get off the couch” and make the shift from being an understander to an experiencer…it may be the very thing that saves humanity!
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Topics: Spirituality/Meditation |
I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Tina Russell
Posted by: Tina Russell on February 26th, 2008 at 10:31 amGood article. IT’s very liberating to reduce the ego.
Posted by: Tejvan Pettinger on February 26th, 2008 at 3:17 pmSounds you took a very meaningful vacation, Todd. When I look back my life, I see most of the major changes I made came as a result of unplugging and facing myself. I think it is a necessary process we all need to take several times a year (in addition to daily quiet time) if we are to have truly good life, not the life our ego dictates.
Posted by: Akemi - Yes to Me on February 26th, 2008 at 3:36 pmI’ve been doing this for years. I highly recommend it!
Posted by: Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk on February 26th, 2008 at 4:04 pmThanks for the nice comments Jean, Akemi and Tejvan. It is good to hear others are doing this, and encouraging!!
Posted by: Todd on February 26th, 2008 at 4:48 pmTodd
Nice article, I too took a short vacation this past weekend and had many of the same thoughts. It was so nice to be in the moment with my family and little boy. It sure does put things in perspective!
www.JuiceofChampions.com
Posted by: Brad Baggett on February 27th, 2008 at 12:34 amThis is really great advice, and I can definately tell it’s profound! Amazing article, printed out for further reference. Thanks man
Posted by: Alex Kay on February 27th, 2008 at 1:26 pmTodd, thank you for sharing.
Posted by: Norea on February 27th, 2008 at 3:29 pmI’ve been challenging my beliefs with success for quite some years now, but found that past socialization can be so powerful it can trick the mind. What I realized very recently is that it is only with the heart that one knows what is true.
Thank you Norea and Alex….much appreciated, and I love the point about the heart. Thank you,
Posted by: Todd on February 27th, 2008 at 6:13 pmTodd
Does becoming aware of the ego and your thoughts mean asking yourself as you become aware of the thought, “is this thought based in fear, anger or sadness?” What exactly are you supposed to be looking for?
Posted by: Shannon on February 28th, 2008 at 10:09 amShannon– YES, thats the way to begin. When you ask yourself that question you become an observer to your thought partterns. When you start seeing the thought as fear, anger or sadness, then you view it from above, or behind it.
Posted by: Todd on February 28th, 2008 at 10:30 amThis is the very persepctive you need to transcend the fear, anger and sadness. It is hard work at first, and you will not know the difference between the observer and your thoughts for most of the time. But you will catch glimpses where you experience it. With practice, and awareness, those glimpses expand. Make sense?
Todd
Todd,this is the best article I have read this year and most timely as i am immersed in ‘The Power of Now’.Slowly i am becoming able to catch my thoughts and to an extent disociate my true self from the Ego - this is most starkly illustrated in the almost “evil” thoughts that occur during rush hour drive time !, I have been staggered to recognise the stream of aggressive impulses and inner dialogue that manifest-at least now i am able to recognise and start to deal with this.keep up the good work.
Posted by: Jim on February 28th, 2008 at 12:16 pmCheers
wow, THANKS Jim….thats some compliment! If you haven’t read Tolle’s next book, A New Earth, pick it up. It is incredible.
Posted by: Todd on February 28th, 2008 at 12:58 pmThanks again,
Todd
[…] “Kill Your Ego - Recognize The True You” […]
Posted by: Oprah and the Worldwide Tipping Point on February 29th, 2008 at 5:26 pm[…] Kill Your Ego- Recognize The True You […]
Posted by: Stages of Consciousness on March 5th, 2008 at 10:11 amAn excellent article, Todd.
I enjoyed that!
I’ve been mediating for years. It is indeed very liberating to free ourselves from the dictatorship of ego. Meditation is for everyone. It works from the inside out. It produces precious peace of mind.
It brings serenity, tranquillity and peacefulness. Meditation supports the person on all levels: physical, mental, and spiritual.
I highly recommend it!
Here is an excellent free e-course on Zen Meditation:
http://www.lasting-weight-loss.com/meditation.html
All my best wishes.
Posted by: Vee on March 15th, 2008 at 7:17 amTotally agree Vee…and I will certainly check out the e-course on meditation. Thank you so much for the link!
Posted by: Todd on March 15th, 2008 at 12:42 pmTodd
great article Todd!
I am also a big fan of Tolles teachings, I just have a question about the negative thoughts, for everyone.
Mostly I notice the thought, and then I get present. But at most it just feels like I suppress the negative thought (by not thinking about it - ignoring it).
Wont all those negative thoughts build up inside you or do you kill them completely by being present?
hope it makes sense.
Posted by: Jacob on March 24th, 2008 at 1:05 pmI have struggled with this as well Jacob. When I tried to think “more positively” I felt I was just squashing the negative thoughts for a later date.
Posted by: Todd on March 24th, 2008 at 1:27 pmThe truth is, you have to practice being present. The more you do, the more easily the light of awareness shines on the negativity. Eventually it becomes habit, and while the negative thoughts still persist, you see them differently.
Would be happy to discuss this with you further!
Todd
thanks for the quick answer
so the “squashing the negative thoughts for a later date”-thought is only an illusion? … maybe created by the ego in fear of its demise?
Posted by: Jacob on March 24th, 2008 at 2:31 pmThats exactly right Jacob, at least in my opinion. The only thing that really matters is cultivatig the ability to become habitually present to your thoughts…negativity can’t exist for long in this environment!
Posted by: Todd on March 24th, 2008 at 4:10 pmYour right without my Ego I realize I’m not good at anything and I deserve to die because I am meaningless without having anything I’m good at.
Posted by: Anonymous on August 8th, 2008 at 7:38 pmGreat article…… a very good tip to know when you are in ego is….. catching yourself using the following terms…
Posted by: J Lindholm on August 23rd, 2008 at 12:01 pm1. Always
2. Every
3. Whole
Examples:
“You always do that!”
“You do that everytime!”
“I’ve put up with this my whole life!”
The ego is immature.. (like a 4 year old)when you are in it you talk like a child. You can’t remember how to spell. You might throw things, like a spoiled child. Recognize these signs, catch yourself…..and bring forth your critical thinking, adult self…and take control.
I appreciate anyone intelligent enough to realize the root of mankind’s joy is not cultivated through ANY of the vulgar channels found outside one’s self. In fact, reading your article has further armed me, in my 15 year battle with the clever conventions of self. As a teenager I read a great deal in an attempt to understand my pain, and utter disgust in myself -and mankind. I concluded that eastern philosophy addressed the genuine root of suffering in a responsible, direct, way -e.g. “disciplines in mindfulness, and being present” I also concluded that the majority of americans would never kill, let alone acknowledge the existence of their ego due in part to the manufactured belief that our true nature is to produce, and consume. Equally instrumental in hiding the madness that lives in our very minds is the relative ease of existence one can achieve by embracing the product of ego -pervading capitalistic banality, advertised as success. Yes, the american dream. I realized that an ethical posture was simply not possible within the constricts of a system that promoted a the lie. I began to intentionally nurture the absurd suggestions that rang out from the hostile person within. I could not beat the monsters that disgusted me -and so I became one.
Twelve years. I was lost for twelve years. From time to time an emaciated specter would comment quietly on the true nature of self, unfortunately, I gave ego such unbridled control for so long, that the tools I once possessed had been replaced by endless narcotics/violence/apathy/and the ever present pull of suicide.
Recently, something sort of snapped. I observed myself from afar, and what I saw was a bundle of emotion and desire. I had become a perpetual reaction to the melee of emotions within. As of a few months ago, I remembered that this is not who we are. The omnipotent voice of ego that had me running errands for so long, became ridiculous.
I am sorry to rant like a maniac, but, when I read what you wrote here, I felt the need to express gratitude. It is this is the sort of auspicious coincidence that proves the power of sharing strength with the collective mind.
Respect,
Posted by: NoBoT on August 24th, 2008 at 7:48 pm-will nordstrom
WOW Will, thank you for the thoughtful and vulnerable email. It sounds like you are on the right track…and the fact that you began to ‘observe’ yourself is very telling. GOOD for you. Now, you have to be vigilant and stay on the path. The old grooves of mind and ego are seductive and powerful…be aware of them and sit in silence when they arise! Awesome man, GOOD for you!
And J, thanks for your reply too!!
Posted by: Todd on August 25th, 2008 at 11:15 amTodd
Every human being has a moral sense of right or wrong, and when such a sense prevails there’s peace within and all around,but, this sense diminishes thanks to ego.
Posted by: Ashutosh on December 22nd, 2008 at 4:08 pmAnd I guess that’s why the closing lines..it may be the very thing that saves humanity..!!
Great post. Been thinking very deeply about the ego recently. Can be quite terrifying when you see it so strongly when communicating with other people. See even now comparing myself to others, my ego manifests itself again.
Posted by: Interesting Insights on March 4th, 2009 at 5:49 pmgreat article! I felt a shift in my consciouness on reading it and also recognized similarities and phrases from “a new earth” by eckhart tolle. For people who want to really get into observing your incessant stream of thoughts aka Ego, read Tolle.
The challenge is in continuing the awareness as the author of this article has done and written about.
Namaste (I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells in peace)
Posted by: priyam singh on March 30th, 2009 at 9:20 pmPriyam
i read ur article and its quite interesting.even i have been into such things.i think u shud read “mind its mysteries and control” by swami shivanada.its a gr8 buk.it might be difficult for u to understand even though the buk is in english but i highly recommend it since u r interested in self realisation
Posted by: Emil on April 21st, 2009 at 7:49 ama recent state of enlightenment about my ego can be found at
http://odysseyofforethought.wordpress.com/
i am dedicated to diffusing my ego as best as i can. i’m 23 and i have the rest of my life ahead of me to be happy. my friend says, “the sooner you stop lying to yourself about who you are, the sooner you can see things for what they are”.
Posted by: eric on August 16th, 2009 at 1:53 pmВсе-таки по-настоящему нравится мне Ваш блог. Всегда занятно читать, включая эту тему.
Posted by: Azot on August 23rd, 2009 at 7:50 amThanks for the insightful article. For years I’ve been preoccupied with the way others perceive me. I’ve always been trying to control the way they think about me.
I’ve been mad at some people for not responding well to my jokes, for example. ‘You better think I’m cool, or you’ll be on my black list.’ That’s basically what my motto was.
Was I really mad at these people? No, I realized. It is my ego. My ego will do anything to mask any ‘defuncts’ I might have. It just cannot accept that there are people in this world that possibly think I’m not the coolest guy around.
The ego is like a little child, like someone here mentioned before. It will do absolutely anything to avoid pain, so it makes up these stories. It lies to you. It’s passive aggressive. Is the ego evil? Probably not. It just tries you to keep from getting hurt, but in doing so, it creates a lot of suffering.
Just my two cents…
Posted by: Willem on August 27th, 2009 at 5:02 pmI’ve just started to realise affect of my ego’s desires.
I now realize how many people have I hurt just due to my ego. How many tears could be avoided if I could recognize it sooner.
The worst of it all is that I realize it but still I can’t fight it.
Someone just don’t show me enough attention and JUST BECAUSE of my ego I get so angry… I eventually make the person suffer… And you can imagine how desperate I feel when I realize “oh, I told you that just because you hurt my ego… and I it was active JUST because I had feeling I can lost her (what’s completely because she was just in bad mood for first time in month period)”…
I’m almost crying every time I realize how stupid and weak against my ego I am. And my desire to kill it grows much stronger every time I realise it’s affection.
And I’m glad for your site, because knowing there’s lot of people who achieved goal of getting rid of ego’s desires really gives me much hope and trust in myself.
Really thank you Todd :))
Posted by: 3wl4k on September 6th, 2009 at 10:58 am[…] Phew, hard work! Kill Your Ego- Recognize The True You […]
Posted by: E for Ego « Lazy Blogger on December 14th, 2009 at 3:52 pmGood article. However, to lose your ego it is not only necessary to look at the so called “negative” feelings produced by the ego like fear, anger sorrow etc. but also the “positive” feelings produced by it, like for instance joy and happiness. What you actually want to achieve is emptiness. Remember that the mass of any container gives it a sense but the empty space thus created makes it useful. Only then will you be able to “go with the flow” and discover that all these opposites like for instance happiness and sorrow are actually one and can’t exist without another.
Posted by: HP on January 25th, 2010 at 9:07 amWhere to begin?
I’ve found myself talking to myself, schizophrenia-like, railing against the ridiculous, petty thoughts that intrude and try to direct my feelings and actions in ways that are of no use to anyone and serve only to comfort my ego.
I think I’ve done a lot of work and found a lot of growth when really, I’ve so very far to go. 43 years old and barely able to crawl.
Such an eye-opening clash with ego to discover that part of me is certain now that we all only get one life and that, contrary to so many previously held comforting beliefs, I am subject to the laws of nature and will one day die. Yes Rob, you will cease to be. I will end. My ego shudders at this thought and much fear surfaces in response yet, when I tell my ego, “Too bad, get used to it. It’s the same for everyone so lose the self-pity”… There’s an odd sense of peace that fills me when the child becomes silent.
Posted by: SelfSlayer on February 18th, 2010 at 3:03 amThe ego is a record of past actions/thoughts/decisions/reactions its habit. Its knowledge written into you and planning. Its helpful but much of it is tainted and will lead to cycles of thoughts feelings over and over again with no conclusion. Comparisons always, mabey back when we lived in small towns or tribes it was ok but nowadays there are 6billion+ people and we are all connected better than ever and comparing yourself to them all leads to depression/anger becuase with more people harder and harder to compete to be at the level comparenly to others you want. An ego created wrongly needs to be recreated to stop these bad cycles and habits of mind and be retooled or released.
Posted by: Blake on March 7th, 2010 at 9:24 pm